Statistics show that about half of marriages end up in divorce, but this rate has declined steadily at a rate of 18% in the period between 2008 and 2016. The Centers and Disease Control and Prevention noted the rate of divorce in 2016 stood at 3.2 for every 1000 persons, and research by the University of Maryland attributes this decline to millennials.
Some of the factors working in favor of this population include waiting longer before getting married, allowing ample time for people to become more established and have solid footing. Also, data from the Pew Research Center indicates that cohabiting rates skyrocketed by 29% from 2007, and this approach has curbed divorce rates. The decline of divorces should be celebrated, but there is something more; there are fewer marriages, and this is not by design.
Demographics and socioeconomic factors play a role in helping people deliberate upon getting married or waiting until they find a more suitable partner so marriages last longer. Nevertheless, if your union did not fare too well and you are contemplating parting ways, San Diego Family Law Attorney outlines common misconceptions about divorce that you need to know.
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Stashing Money in a Secret Account Keeps your Spouse From Taking It
Money is one of the central issues discussed in divorce proceedings, even in unions where there are no children. Spousal support, child support, and getting a fair share of your earnings in the course of the marriage are all concerns that men and women have when leaving a marriage. Hiding money in separate accounts is an old wives tale, but in reality, it doesn't work. A family court judge requires a financial affidavit of all your assets and cash reserves, and this document must be accurate.
Most states like California stipulate that assets (income, expenses, and debt) acquired during the marriage are considered community property and, therefore, subject to equal sharing between partners. All earnings must be disclosed before the final ruling, but men are known as the biggest culprits of hiding money by employing a wide range of tactics, such as:
- Hiding, devaluing, or undervaluing marital property
- Overstating the debts owed
- Reporting lower income
- Reporting higher expenses
The National Endowment for Financial Education estimates 31% of adults who pooled assets in marriage say their partner has been deceptive about money. Falsehood could be hiding cash, minor purchases, prized heirlooms, credit card statements, or not being straightforward about earnings or additional benefits like stock options. Signing the financial affidavit in contested or uncontested divorces is legally binding, so any lies attract a penalty of perjury. Also, the court may apply other remedies to this issue such as ordering the spouse to pay attorney fees, dismissal of claims triggering divorce, and in extreme scenarios, imprisonment.
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A Woman is Routinely Granted Custody of Children
There is a common misconception that a mother automatically wins custody of the children, but this notion has been challenged in the past decades. No law in the US awards custody to the mother by design or gives them special or extra rights over fathers. In 1994, most states abolished the "tender age doctrine" that required mothers to gain custody of children under seven years. Nonetheless, a disproportionate share of mothers end up getting full care of children of any age before 18 years, and as per 2013 dossier issued by the US National Census, only 17.5% of custodial parents are fathers or one in every six parents.
Laws vary in every state when determining which parent is most suited for primary custody, but the general standard dictates doing what is in the best interest of children. The factors under consideration typically work in favor of the mother, such as who mostly cares for the child, who is the most responsible parent, and who is best poised to fulfill the child's needs.
In some progressive marriages, daily tasks involving children like bathing, taking them to school, doctor appointments, putting them to bed, arranging for child care, etc. are evenly shared. Even if women entered the workforce in droves, they are still the primary caregivers for children in most marital settings, which makes awarding custody go in their favor.
Courts usually examine your potential and history of handling these daily tasks of child upbringing. If you haven't been overly involved, start practicing now ahead of the divorce, or even after filing, to boost your chances of getting joint or sole custody. Children fare better when they are not used as pawns against the other parent. The State of California is keen to sustain a meaningful bond between children and both parents, so shared custody with generous visitation is common.
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Women Do Not Pay Alimony after Divorce
There are many misconceptions about divorce, and most of them revolve around money. Women are increasingly becoming breadwinners in marriages, and as of 2015 data, 42% of mothers were the sole income earners, bringing in at least half of the family's income.
The Center for American Progress also found nearly a quarter of mothers who were co-breadwinners bring in between 25% to 49% of their family's income, even if women make 63 cents per dollar earned by men. These numbers are indicative of a growing trend of more women contributing economically in marriages. According to the 2018 Financial Wellness Census, 54% of women are the principal earners in their households, and 30% are married breadwinners who rack in more than half of the household's income.
Since more women are giving critical financial support as compared to previous generations, it is not uncommon to have a family court ask them to pay alimony. The husband could be earning significantly less or no income at all, or he may have primary custody. Either way, if a woman is a principal breadwinner, she is very likely to pay alimony.
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Failure to Pay Child Support Means Denying Visitation Rights
Child custody, visitation, and child support remain hot issues to be ironed out well after a judge grants dissolution of marriage. The question of child support is one of the four things mediated upon in divorce proceedings along with parenting time (visitation), community property, and alimony.
In California, child support goes well beyond money. Apart from ensuring there is enough money to pay for what children need at home, school, and elsewhere, paying child support indicates continued care and love for the kids. The state computes child support based on income and how much time each parent spends with the children considering living expenses in the Golden State are much higher.
Child support also helps the primary caregiver to have a better standard of living as they spend more time with the children. If a parent is unable to pay or refuses to honor guidelines stipulated in divorce proceedings, they are still entitled to seeing their children. California supports the idea of children having access to both parents after divorce, so denying visitation would be contravening the law.
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Proving Your Spouse Was Unfaithful Helps Your Case
According to online research, the leading cause of divorce is infidelity. Furthermore, a cheating expert surmises that this habit typically begins emotionally before physical cheating ensues. Suspecting and then finding out your spouse has been carrying on one or more extramarital affairs even for the shortest duration is heartbreaking and could trigger a petition. In such cases, the filing spouse will go to great lengths to prove the said infidelity by hiring private investigators, going through the cheating spouse's phone, email, credit card statements, etc.
There is an assumption that proving infidelity could give leverage in your divorce case, but this doesn't always apply mainly in states like California with a no-fault divorce. In this scenario, the court does not concern itself with what reasons and who was responsible for the marriage breakdown. Therefore, a claim of extramarital affairs will not impact the division of assets or the custody of children. Similarly, the cheating spouse is not subjected to penalties such as paying more spousal support.
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There is Ample Time to Remove a Spouse From a Life Insurance Policy
One of the primary outcomes of divorce is that you are no longer joined legally on things like bank accounts, life insurance policies, and sometimes the legal rights of children. Getting a divorce is usually a tiresome and emotionally draining process, and even more so when things get bitter. Once the dissolution is granted, you are likely to be focused on helping children cope and adjust to this new life, finding a home, getting a new job, and making all sorts of changes.
If you have a life insurance policy where your spouse is the beneficiary, failure to amend who should receive the insurance is detrimental as death usually has no timeline. In the event of your death, your ex-spouse is legally entitled to this payout, and if you have remarried, your new spouse will receive nothing. Do not assume there is plenty of time for such changes; the smartest move is to make the necessary adjustments once the divorce is granted. This way, you can rest easy knowing your hard-earned dollars will be in safe hands upon your demise.
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It is Better to Delay Divorce Until the Children are Grown
The very idea of marital unions is falling out of favor as more people delay getting married in pursuit of establishing a career and increasing reports of unhappy marriages are not helping. Dana Shapiro penned a book "You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Married" where he surmised only 17% of people were content with their choice of marital partner. In 2014, a study done by the National Opinion Research Center found that more and more people are growing increasingly unhappy in their marriages.
Unhappy couples usually cite a lack of communication, fading shared interests, lack of physical intimacy, and being bored as the key drivers to this discontent. "The New I Do" by Susan Gadoua (therapist) and Vicki Larson (journalist) is a deep-dive into the contemporary shape of marriage. This groundbreaking book aims to help readers enter into unions more consciously and creatively as opposed to trying to match up with societal norms. Some of the key revelations therein are:
- Couples can live separated and still be committed and raise healthy kids
- Couples can have outside relationships and be committed to their spouse
- Being married for a short time can still qualify as a successful union when it lasted
- Apart from love, people get married to have kids and for financial security
- Couples can raise children long after their love for each other fade
The findings above may be too unconventional to some people, but the authors found out that people who are more proactive in embracing new ideas end up finding what works for them. Staying in a marriage for the children is not only a disservice to your well being but for them as well; raising children in a home where love and affection are not forthcoming sends a wrong message. Constant bickering and animosity between warring parents create a hostile atmosphere that harms children now and in the foreseeable future. If things are not working out despite your most laborious efforts, dissolving the union is the next best thing so you can give yourself another chance of happiness.
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You Must Fight for Everything you Deserve
Irrespective of who filed the petition and what their reasons were, divorces are not the best situations for a previously happy couple to find themselves in. Things could turn bitter quickly enough as warring spouses fight over assets, custody of children, and everything else in between. The desire to hurt and deprive your spouse of what they treasure most is the primary motive of hostility, but no matter how bitterly wronged you are, this fighting only delays the process. Legal fees increased by the hour, and children feel even more vulnerable as they don't get enough emotional support, and seeing their parents fight adds to the misery.
Contact a San Diego Family Law Lawyer Near Me
There are many misconceptions about divorce, and they can mislead you to make costly mistakes before filing for divorce, during the proceedings, and afterwards. Our team at San Diego Family Law Attorney is experienced in handling divorces and helping clients reach the best possible outcomes. Contact us today at 619-610-7425 to get our expert advice.
