Going through a divorce is not only overwhelming but also complicated. So if you are facing divorce proceedings or you are contemplating a divorce, you could be wondering what steps you need to take to go through this process amicably, fairly, drama-free, and as quickly as possible. Discussed below are practical tips on how to prepare for a divorce.
Ask Yourself Whether you Still have Feelings for Your Spouse
Most individuals who say that they want to dissolve their marriage still have strong feelings for their spouses. However, as a result of a power struggle in the marriage, there is a lack of closeness and intimacy. If this describes you, it's wise to work on your relationship before deciding to dissolve the marriage. Otherwise, feelings of loss and betrayal could overpower you, and you could find yourself worse off after dissolving the marriage.
Is the Divorce an Emotionally Reactive Decision or Is it a Decision Based on Self-Awareness?
This is another important question you need to ask yourself because divorce comes with intense feelings such as distrust, hurt, and anger. To be ready for a divorce means having no emotional attachments to your spouse and making a clear decision which you can support over time. Emotionally reactive decisions neither last nor solve the underlying problem. That means people who dissolve their marriage out of anger stay angry even after the process is over.
Be Organized
Divorce is very overwhelming, and it might be tempting to pretend that it is not happening. Do not be a passive observer of the process; instead, take control of the process. Work with your partner to develop a list of family assets and debts. Then gather copies of your financial records like tax returns, bank account statements, retirement accounts, vehicle loan statements, mortgage statements, W2's, employment contracts, social security estimates, insurance policies, and pay stubs.
Remember to include any asset you owned before the marriage as well as wills, medical directives, stock options, and trusts.
Also, generate a marital budget. It will help you know your monthly expenses living together as a couple and the expected monthly expenses when you are staying in different households.
It is rash to start any negotiations without the assistance of an experienced financial planner. The financial planner will help you obtain and organize financial information you and your attorney will require to prepare for the legal process ahead.
Familiarize yourself with your Family Finances
In most cases, there is one partner who handles finances. If you're that person, then you are in a good position as you continue with divorce proceedings. If that person is not you, you need to do your homework. You can never get a fair share of your family assets if you do not have an idea of what you are worth.
Be Transparent as far as your Assets are Concerned
It is unlawful to hide your assets as a way of coming out ahead in marriage dissolution. If your attempts are discovered, you risk:
- Losing credibility in the eyes of professionals adjudicating your settlement, and
- Facing severe penalties and fines.
Integrity
No matter how bitter, betrayed, or angry, you may feel, don't let your spouse get the best of you and take you out of integrity. Keep off social media platforms and avoid disclosing information about your divorce to any person who is willing to listen.
As overwhelming as it could be, you should focus on yourself mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. It will put you in a better place to make rational decisions. If you require help, always remember that you are not alone; there is a lot of support out there. Exercise regularly, consume healthy foods, get adequate sleep, and meditate.
Choose a More Pocket-friendly and Peaceful Option
There are numerous choices when it comes to divorce options. You can choose litigation and battle the divorce out in court. If the case is simple, you can try collaboration and pay a few professions to intervene in the process. Alternatively, you can choose to mediate.
Take time and research different available options and their pros and cons. Do not make decisions based on what happened to your loved one. That is how you end up with an option that does not meet your needs. Then settle on what is likely to keep the process as drama-free and cost-effective as possible.
Choose Mediation
According to an article published on Forbes.com, the average cost of a divorce is between $15,000 and $30,000. The most common expenses include court charges, attorney fees, early neutral evaluation costs, and refining expenses for your house (if you own one). One of the most effective ways to reduce this cost is through mediation. A mediator is a neutral third party who facilitates agreements that you and your spouse make. If you think you can agree on what is fair as a couple, then mediation is the best option for you.
Get Support
Don't go through this overwhelming experience alone. Look for the support that is uplifting and supportive when spending time or talking to that person. The person should be a good listener and have your best interests at heart (they don't have to offer any advice). The more you have experiences that offer relief from the divorce, the less time you have to worry about what will happen next or remembering past memories.
If you can, read articles and books about divorce as well as talk to mediators and attorneys. It will not only help you get first-hand accounts of what the process involves but also give you a post-divorce reality.
Consider Job Training
Unfortunately, good people do not get the best outcome in divorce settlements. While you need to expect the best results from the settlement, you should not too hopeful about spousal support if your spouse has been the breadwinner. The court could impute income and expect you to work if you are not aged or living with a disability. Getting job training is a hedge against things not going your way after the settlement. It also improves the chances of beginning a new chapter of life in a good state of mind.
Breaking the News about your Divorce to Your Children
Once you are sure about your divorce plans, tell your children about the decision. Well, there is no easy method to break such news, but if it is possible, it is good to have both parents there for the conversation. Try as much as possible to leave feelings of guilt, blame, bitterness out of it. This can be realized by practicing how you will manage to break the news to your children.
Make sure the discussion fits your child's temperament, maturity, and age. It should also include the statement "What happened is not your fault." Most children feel they are responsible for the divorce even after their parents have said they are not. It is, therefore, essential to keep reassuring them.
Answer your children's questions truthfully. However, children do not require to know every reason behind the divorce, especially if it takes in a cheating partner. Let them know what will most likely change and what will not in their routine.
Don’t bad-mouth your Partner in Front of your Child in Any Way
Whenever you say something negative about your ex-to-be in front of your child, you put the child in an impossible position. Usually, the child will suffer from divided loyalty, guilt, and fail to show love towards the other parent.
It is okay to share your feelings with your friends, family, and empathic listeners but keep them from your children. You can never divorce your children.
Work on How to Reduce the stress on your Children
Preparing for divorce also entails learning how you can assist your children through a divorce so that they go through the least possible stress. Children miss the presence of the family, and both parents they had. That is the reason most children hope that one day their parents will reconcile. Mourning is normal, and your children will come to terms with the new situation over time. Here are ways to assist children in dealing with a marriage dissolution:
- Encourage honesty- Children should know that their feelings are important and are taken seriously by their parents.
- Keep yourself healthy- divorce is stressful, and that pressure could be amplified by property and custody issues which could bring out the worst in you as a parent. Make sure you are healthy both emotionally and physically.
- Offer support
- Get support
Think Long-Term and Focus on the Bigger Picture
Another important thing you need to ask yourself before dissolving the marriage is the results you want to achieve from the process. What will life look like ten years down the line? Is maintaining your current lifestyle a priority? Are you paying attention to feeling secure?
These decisions are essential in driving the specific assets you go after in the negotiations. More often than not, people fight for investment accounts and homes that they cannot afford to maintain.
No spouse wins in a divorce. Therefore, if you focus on what is important such as your future and children rather than the painful memories, chances are you will divorce amicably and realize a settlement that you are comfortable with.
Stay Single Until After you are Divorced
It does not matter whether your spouse left you, or they were the ones who cheated. If you begin dating another person openly while undergoing a marriage dissolution, you risk your partner being upset at you. This complicates not only the process beyond measure but also your co-parenting plan and schedule.
If that happens or you are already into a new relationship, do not flaunt it. Do not take your new Significant other on vacations, or buy them expensive gifts unless you are ready to pay for it using your own money. Also, do not go with your new partner to family parties or events where you could run into your soon-to-be ex.
Do not Cancel Your Spouse's Health Insurance
Provided you're still married your spouse's medical expenses are your expenses. What is more, if you cancel their health insurance as a way of saving a couple of bucks in premiums or out of spite and they run up a huge medical bill, you might end up paying the whole amount yourself. Additionally, if you take your partner off your health coverage, it could be stressful to put them back on.
Seek Legal Assistance
If you are going through a divorce, you might find yourself frustrated by the entire process. This is because you will be required to collect all necessary financial documents and records, develop a reasonable child custody, visitation, and support plan, determine spousal support, and make time to appear in court. That is why it is essential to hire a legal expert. Below are a few reasons why you should work with a competent family law lawyer before filing a marriage dissolution:
Offer Objective Advice
As a third party, your lawyer will be more objective about your divorce than you particularly if emotions are running high or it is a contested divorce. Also, family law lawyers are proficient when it comes to approaching divorce objectively. Therefore, they will not make abrupt decisions. For instance, it is tempting to settle on property division through early settlement, but your lawyer might advise you to wait for a more equitable and fair division.
Suggest Various Divorce Options
Before granting a divorce, the court requires child support, child custody, division of property, and alimony to be settled. When it comes to negotiating these terms, your spouse will leverage these issues against you to realize more favorable results. Since your attorney has handled numerous similar cases before, they will advise on what steps to take to make sure you achieve your goals.
Finding San Diego Family Lawyer Near Me
A divorce can impact your career, finances, and life negatively, which is the reason you should have a qualified family law attorney evaluate your case as well as offer advice on the best options. For many years, lawyers at San Diego Family Law Attorney have handled thousands of divorce cases throughout San Diego. You can depend on us to assist you in getting the best possible outcome in your divorce. Contact us today at 619-610-7425 for a free initial consultation.
