Divorce is a painful process that becomes challenging when children are involved. In addition to the emotional trauma from the parents' separation, fighting over the custody battles intensifies the situation. You cannot complete your divorce process in California until child custody issues are resolved.
Fortunately, the divorcing couple can work towards solving child custody issues outside of court. Child custody mediation allows parents to avoid the child custody court's emotional and financial constraints. You can either find a private mediator or work with the one appointed by the court.
The mediator is trained to act as the middle ground and will recommend a course of action to the court if you do not resolve your issues in mediation. This can prompt a custody court hearing, where the court decides on matters involving the child's best interests. Whether you enter child custody mediation or your custody case is handled in court, you will require the guidance of a skilled family law attorney.
Understanding Child Custody Mediation in California
Child custody is critical when parents separate or divorce. Unlike popular belief, custody is not as simple as one parent receiving custody and the other paying support for the child. The courts believe children should have constant contact with both parents for emotional and mental growth. The goal of a custody case is to ensure that an agreement that serves the child’s best interests is reached.
Child custody has two basic concepts, including legal and physical custody. Legal custody of a child means you are responsible for making all the important decisions in that child’s life. This will include education, healthcare, and religion-related decisions. The court often awards joint legal custody unless a parent has a substance abuse problem or mental incapacitation.
On the other hand, physical child custody is a decision about where the child will live. Rarely will parents continue living in the same household after a divorce. Therefore, issues of physical custody are critical. When awarding physical custody, the court places the child where they will be safe.
Although most divorce matters are contentious, child custody is emotionally challenging for all involved parties. Before you result in litigation for child custody, the court may order that you participate in mediation. Child custody mediation helps reduce the hostility associated with separation for the child’s well-being.
There are two types of child custody mediation:
- Private Mediation. Although mediation is necessary for every child custody case, parents have the right to decide who will mediate their case. When you opt for private mediation, you must hire and pay a mediator to act as a neutral party as you discuss custody matters. Private mediation is often common for parties on good terms and interested in the mediation process. With private mediation, you can handle all your issues out of court.
- Mandatory mediation. The court may order mandatory sessions if you have not opted into mediation. Mandatory mediation is facilitated by the family court services and is free.
Dos and Don’ts of Child Custody Mediation
Although both parents can come with pure intentions and the child’s best interests at heart, child custody mediation can hit a rough patch. You can explore the following tips for successful custody mediation:
Do not Raise Marital Issues
Child custody battles arise from divorce or separation. Unlike divorce issues rooted in your relationship issues, child custody issues can affect your children. Therefore, even though it is tempting, you must avoid mentioning issues of the failed marriage in a custody mediation session. Bringing up what you do not like about the other parent takes away from the purpose of the mediation.
Instead, you should focus on the needs of your child. However, this does not mean you should accept being bullied into situations that don’t benefit you or your child.
Have an Open Mind. Your ex may say untrue and hurtful things about you. Whether child custody is decided through litigation or mediation, parents try their best to have the upper hand. Therefore, you should avoid losing your cool when something you do not like is brought up. Instead, you should trust that the mediator can see through the lies and unreasonable issues.
If you engage in back and forth with your ex during a mediation session, this information will be in the report they present to the court. You should not be fixated on what you want when discussing custody and visitation. While you may know your child best, the mediator may have recommendations worth considering.
Bring Up Concerns About the Other Parent's Ability to Care for the Child
Although mediation is meant to mend your relationship with the children, you should not be afraid to bring up valid concerns. Common concerns could be the safety and well-being of the children in the other parent’s home.
Understand the Co-parenting Process
California family law always supports the idea that children are better off being in constant contact with both of their parents. Therefore, you should be open to co-parenting and establish a healthy environment for co-parenting. When referring to children, you should always use the term "our." Even when the other parent was not actively involved in the child’s life before the divorce, the court will allow them to be involved.
Be Prepared for Mediation
Before you attend the mediation session, you can write down a proposal of what you feel is fair custody and parenting arrangements. Sketching out a plan can help you organize your thoughts and give you a starting point for the discussions. Some of the information you could include in your sketch include:
- How you would like to handle the pickups and drop-offs when it is time for the other parent to have the child.
- How you can divide the holidays, school breaks, and vacation.
- How to deal with minor changes that do not warrant custody modification.
- Address anything that could stand in the way of the parenting plan.
Do not Subject Yourself to Abuse
If you have been a victim of emotional abuse or domestic violence, mediation may not be a suitable way to resolve your custody battles. If there was a history or abuse is not ongoing, you can consider separate mediation sessions. While this could cost more, the out women will be worth it.
Choosing the Right Child Custody Mediator
If you seek private mediation, you must find a suitable mediator to offer the services. The following are some tips that will help you choose a suitable custody mediator:
Understand the Mediator’s Background
Finding a mediator with the necessary experience for dispute resolution is critical for the smooth running of your custody case. Most private mediators indicate their credentials on their websites and have at least a bachelor’s degree. You can use the information on these websites to identify several mediators before contacting them for a review.
While this is not mandatory for private mediators, a court-appointed mediator must undergo up to 40 hours of mediation training. Additionally, they must have a mediator in several supervised sessions.
Mediator’s Experience in Family Law
Child custody is a sensitive matter. Therefore, you need to work with a professional with extensive family law experience. Additionally, you must ensure that the mediator has a specialization in dealing with child custody cases. Some mediators may be experienced in handling divorce cases but are not well-versed in custody cases.
Most government and private mediators have backgrounds as family law attorneys. This helps them understand the issues that arise with custody cases and the best way to resolve them. However, you still have the right to work with a skilled family law attorney to ensure your child’s best interests in the custody mediation.
Seek Reliable Recommendations
If you have sought legal representation, your lawyer can offer recommendations on a mediator to handle your case. Even after receiving the recommendations, it is important to do online research. This allows you to uncover first-hand information on individuals who may have used the services of your potential mediator.
The decision on mediation is one you make with your ex-partner. This ensures you agree with the credentials and the mediator’s ability to handle your situation.
Frequently Asked Questions on Child Custody Mediation
A child custody case can be a long and challenging process. This is often the case when custody is tied up with divorce. If you and your child's other parent agree on most terms or are on the same page with issues, mediation is a time and cost-saving option to resolve your custody matters. The following are some frequently asked questions on child custody mediation in California:
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Why should I choose mediation instead of court for child custody disputes?
Child custody court can be vicious. When your child is required to offer their insight to the judge, the back and forth between you and your ex-partner can emotionally take a toll on them. Some of the benefits you will accrue from custody mediation include the following:
- Mediation is a peaceful and non-confrontation approach to dealing with sensitive child custody matters. Ultimately, you and the other parent of your child will come up with a decision that the mediator will present to the court before the order is made. No information disclosed at the child custody mediation can be used against you in a trial. Therefore, you are free to give your opinions and take on matters.
- Mediators are neutral and professional. Therefore, you will have no fear of them leaning towards one side.
- You save time with mediation. You must work with the court schedule when your child custody matters are settled in court. There is a high rate of divorce in California. This means that the court may take a while to resolve our case. Before child custody matters are resolved, your divorce case cannot be finalized.
- Mediation sets a tone for your future relationship. Even when a divorce or separation is vicious, you must find a way to work together for the children. When you take your child custody case to court, your relationship with your ex-partner may strain further. Opting for mediation creates a chance for communication to building back a cordial relationship for the children.
What is the difference between child custody mediation and litigation of child custody disputes?
Child custody mediation is different from litigation in every aspect. Litigation involves the retention of divorce attorneys for the involved parties and going to court to fight for custody. Depending on the evidence presented, the judge makes the decision on custody and visitation. Custody mediation, on the other hand, involves sitting with a neutral party and making decisions without insight from the legal system.
How long does child custody mediation take compared to litigation?
Several factors dictate the amount of time you need to solve your child custody battles through mediation. However, when you go to court, you can expect to take up to one year to enter a permanent child custody order. This is because the court has other cases to handle and will only call you to appear in court when scheduled.
During the one year, the court may schedule an initial hearing where temporary orders are issued. This allows life to move on while you await a permanent order. Before a permanent child custody order is reached, the issues of child support, attorney fees, and spousal support are considered. Depending on how well you work within the temporary order, the court can issue a permanent custody order.
With mediation, you can work around your schedules and speed up the process. Mostly, you will not need two hearings. When you and your child’s other parent make a decision through the mediator, you each give an opinion of what seems right and comfortable under the circumstances. Depending on each party’s cooperation and availability, you can enter a child custody decision within three months of mediation.
What is the cost of child custody mediation in California?
During divorce or separation, financial issues are critical. The cost of custody mediation depends on the mediation services you seek. When the court imposes child custody mediation, you will undergo mediation through the free FCS. However, for private mediation, you must pay a mediator fee from the initial visit.
Private mediators often charge for their services hourly. Although private mediation is costly, it is cheaper and more convenient than litigation. While most people would want the convenience offered by private mediation, not all of them can afford it. Fortunately, there are some organizations that offer pro-bono mediation services for individuals who cannot afford their services.
What is the goal of child custody mediation?
Child custody issues can cause fighting between two parents, which is not conducive to a child’s well-being. Being in the middle of a separation or a divorce can be challenging for a child. The litigation process, which is done in court, only makes the situation worse. Since there are times when a child may be required to be in court, undergoing the whole battle can make the situation worse.
The main aim of custody litigation is to cool off the tempers and residual feelings from a divorce. This allows the parents to work together for the benefit and well-being of the child. Since each parent is allowed to give their input on custody decisions, they are able to communicate better and work together instead of fighting. Additionally, litigation helps to speed up custody for the finalization of the divorce.
Can I explore child custody mediation if my relationship with my ex is beyond repair?
When the court orders child custody mediation, you must follow through with the order. Mediation can be done separately if you and your ex cannot see eye to eye. The mediator goes back and forth from each party, collecting opinions and views on different matters.
Mediators are trained in family law. Therefore, they have the skills necessary to deal with the animosity from separating or divorcing parties. Your mediator can stress the importance of working together for the child’s well-being and to save time. At the end of the mediation process, your mediator gives a report of your agreement to the court.
Find a Skilled San Diego Family Law Lawyer Near Me
If you and your former partner are unable to enter into an agreement on child custody and visitation after separation or divorce, you must participate in child custody mediation. The main goal of mediation is to give parents a chance to discuss and resolve matters in the child’s best interests without vicious court battles.
Mediation is done in a neutral setting where each parent can give their opinion and contribution about child custody. Through the mediator, you and your ex-partner can make parenting plans that allow the child to spend time with each parent. Additionally, solving custody matters through mediation teaches the parents to deal with the resentment and anger from the separation or divorce.
Although mediation does not require you to attend court hearings, you will require legal insight. At San Diego Family Law Attorney, we offer expert legal guidance for all our clients battling child custody in San Diego, CA. Contact us at 619-610-7425 and allow us to help you prepare for the child custody mediation.
