The divorce process is emotionally taxing, especially for couples that have invested quality time and resources into the marriage. The couple can agree to end their marriage amicably, or one can decide to file for divorce against the other’s will. It helps a lot when the couple is on one page, making the process smooth for them and their loved ones. Sometimes, a temporary separation is encouraged before a legal separation or divorce so the couple can decide precisely what they want with the marriage.
A trial separation is a physical break between divorcing couples who want to pursue the idea of filing for divorce. It is a break the couple needs from each other to enable them to deal with the stress in their relationship separately. It could be a good idea for couples who have not ended their marriage. It could also be the break the couple needs to find a solution to their marital issues.
However, speak to a skilled family law attorney about a trial separation, how it works, and its pros and cons to your family before making that critical decision. This is because separation does not have the same effect for all couples.
How Trial Separations Work
Marriage is generally designed for life. However, issues arise in marriage, necessitating a separation or divorce. When the inevitable happens in your marriage and you contemplate divorce, it helps to take some time to think things through and make the right decision for all the people involved, including your partner and children. Family law attorneys encourage separation before divorce to allow the couple to evaluate their needs. Instead of signing divorce papers immediately after you disagree with your partner, you can take a break from each other to cool off and rethink your decision.
A trial separation can come before legal separation and divorce. Although it does not work for all couples, you can try it with your partner to see how it helps with your divorce process. When you decide to try a trial separation, one of you will leave the home where you live to allow for a physical and emotional separation that encourages healing, forgiveness, and better decision-making. Couples that cannot afford an arrangement where one has to move to a different house can separate physically in the same house.
However, remember that a trial separation differs from a legal separation or divorce. You must agree to this as a couple without involving your attorneys or a family law judge. It will also not affect your property rights or the divorce in general. Anything you earn as a couple during the trial separation will be considered community property and equally divided between you in the divorce.
The essence of a temporary separation is for a couple to separate and take a much-needed break from each other voluntarily. It allows you to step back, rethink your decisions, and see how you will survive after the divorce. Here are some of the decisions you could make with your partner during this period:
- For one of you to move to another house or spare bedroom within your home
- To split your earnings, debt, and other expenses, especially if you have children
- Critical decisions like how you will care for your children and pets during the separation period
If you feel emotionally distant from your partner or are dealing with stress like a job change or health issues, a trial separation can help. You will have time to heal and handle your problems without having to deal with the stress of a divorce. Once the trial period ends, you can continue with the divorce or give your marriage another chance. Remember that you take a trial separation while you're still legally married. Any significant change you or your partner make during this period could be in the divorce agreement.
Here are some of the goals you can achieve with a trial separation:
- To create some space between couples so they will not continue to aggravate or stress each other
- To allow time to pass so a fighting couple can heal emotionally for better decision-making regarding their marriage
- To give the couple a preview of how things will be once they divorce, including how they will handle children, business, and other crucial matters
- It will allow the couple time to rethink their decision. If they are better off apart, they can proceed with the divorce.
The Benefits of Trial Separations
Since marriages are unique, how a trial separation benefits your family differs from how it benefits another. Here are some of the benefits you can expect during the separation period:
It Clears Your Mind
A break from something stressful is always encouraged for mental clarity. Sometimes, all a couple needs is time off from each other to see where the problem in their marriage is and how best they can resolve it. A clear mind can make better decisions, including giving your marriage a second chance. Once you have time to think about your issues separately, you can develop a problem-solving strategy that could result in an even stronger marriage. It also helps you understand the real problems so the divorce process will be smoother.
It Helps in Decision-Making
A divorce is a significant decision, but sometimes couples rush through it. This comes with endless regrets. A trial separation lets you decide better about your marriage and the divorce. If you rush to sign the divorce papers, you can make regrettable mistakes that will cost you financial freedom and peace. A break before a significant legal process helps you analyze issues and gather information to make informed decisions.
It Gives You a Fresh Look at Your Marital Issues
In most cases, the reasons people divorce do not make sense. When couples fight and do not take time to resolve their issues, the minor issues build up into major ones, necessitating a divorce. If you consider the problems you have been having in your marriage, most of them can be resolved. However, you must take time out of your marriage to reconsider your decisions. A fresh look into your marriage can cause you to change your mind about divorce or some of the decisions you have made regarding your marriage. Although the separation can end in a divorce, you will make the final decision with a clearer mind.
It Gives You a Glimpse of the Reality of a Divorce
If you have been married for a long time or have been with your partner for a long time, it could be challenging to imagine a life without them. Instead of rushing through the divorce and figuring out life alone the hard way, a trial separation can help you come to terms with the realities of a divorce. It will reveal things you do not know about, including making decisions independently, caring for your children alone, and managing your finances without your partner’s intervention. If you manage life alone during this period, you will be okay after the divorce.
It is an Opportunity to Grow
You can become a better person thanks to a trial separation. If all you have been doing recently in your marriage is complaining and issuing threats, a break from your partner allows you to heal, control your emotions and feelings, and improve the person you have been. You could communicate better after that, making the divorce process easier for everyone involved, including your children. Living separately also allows you to appreciate some of the things you have been taking for granted. This growth will help you manage your and your children’s lives after the divorce.
The Downside of a Trial Separation
A trial separation offers benefits that could benefit your divorce process and life after the divorce. However, it does not work the same for all couples. It could negatively impact your relationship with your partner and other people in your life.
Here are some disadvantages you should consider before agreeing to a trial separation:
Negative Impact on Children and Family
A separation will affect your children, even for couples that remain to live in the same home. It benefits a child’s emotions to see their parents together physically and emotionally. Any separation between parents affects children, regardless of how much you prepare them for the separation. They could feel partly responsible for the separation and experience difficulties handling the changes that come with it.
Your separation will affect your other family members, including your parents and siblings. A family that was once united will not cope well once the unifying factor no longer exists.
The Risk of Growing Apart
If you try a trial separation hoping to resolve your differences, it can backfire on your relationship. When couples separate, no one knows for sure what awaits them out there. Some couples do not come back together after separation. You could improve communication during the separation to save your marriage. If this does not work, you could end up in divorce because then you will not have solved your marital issues.
Your Relationship Issues Could Become Public
Marital issues are very sensitive. This explains why some couples delay filing for divorce for fear of public ridicule or humiliation. This is inevitable after a trial separation. Members of your family, friends, colleagues, and the general public will know about your separation once you start living together or doing things separately. If your social life is essential, a separation will impact it. You can speak to an attorney or counselor about your fears before separation to learn how to manage the social impact of the separation before agreeing to it.
It Can Cause an Additional Financial Burden to your Family
Running a single household is financially easier than running two or multiple households. When couples separate, their finances will take care of two households, which is more than they handled in the past. If one of you moves to another house, your family will incur additional costs of running that other house. The financial strains could be more than you imagined, straining your relationship further.
How To Make Your Trial Separation Successful
Although trial separations do not always yield the desired results, you can try a few tips or strategies to make yours a success. Here are some tips your attorney can recommend for a better outcome:
Discuss the Purpose and Goals for your Separation
A trial separation is bound to work if the separating partners are on one page. You must define the goals and purpose of separating from your partner to ensure you achieve the same results after the separation. Ensure the boundaries and expectations of your separation are clearly understood by both partners. For example, you can identify the problems ailing your marriage and the purpose to resolve them. You can also discuss your intentions and agree on the commitment each of you should put into working out your marriage. Clearly state what will happen if you do not resolve the underlying issues so that it will not be a problem for you or your partner if the separation ends in divorce.
Set a Timeline for the Trial Separation
A trial separation should not be indefinite if the couple wants to resolve their marital issues soon. You should set a timeline to devise a solution to your challenges. You can also set a date for when you will come together to review the progress of the pending issues. Staying separate too long can be counterproductive. It could strain your relationship further, resulting in a divorce. If you do not resolve your issues within the agreed period, you can decide to proceed with a divorce.
Make Critical Decisions Regarding Your Lives
Separating entails much, which you must discuss and agree upon as a couple. For example, you must decide on your living arrangements. Since separation means physical separation, you must decide where each of you will live during that period. Some couples live in separate homes, while others share the house but live in separate spaces.
If you have children, you must make arrangements for them, too. Decide where they will live, which one of you will live with them, and how the other parent will support them. Also, decide how you will make critical decisions regarding your family or children during the separation period.
Develop a Communication Strategy
It is essential to stay in communication during a trial separation. Remember that this is only temporary before you make significant decisions regarding your family. Staying on one page is essential, so a communication strategy is crucial during a trial separation. You could speak once daily, especially if there are children, or once weekly to review matters in your marriage. If you are not in a position to communicate without arguing or blaming each other, you can find common ground through which you can maintain communication.
Plan Your Finances
Remember that you remain married during trial separation, and the new arrangement will affect your finances. You need to discuss money issues to ensure that your needs will be well-catered for during that period and afterward. If you are still paying a mortgage, you must agree on who will be making payments or how the payments will be made. Plan how your children’s finances and other expenses like loans and car payments will be handled.
Develop a Trial Separation Agreement
Although trial separations are not legal, they could be made officially to ensure couples understand their obligations and limitations. An official agreement also addresses what will happen if you do not resolve your marital issues or if one partner violates the agreement. A skilled family law attorney can help you develop an agreement that will work for you and your partner. They will meet you to discuss the underlying issues, your expectations, and critical issues like finances and children to ensure that the agreement covers everything.
The agreement will also have some ground rules for you and your partner. Since you are still legally married, there should be dos and don'ts. The contract should also stipulate the start and end dates of the separation and when you should meet to review the success of that period.
Find an Experienced Family Law Attorney Near Me
The issue of divorce should be handled carefully to ensure that the couple and anyone else involved are satisfied with its outcome. Sadly, this does not always happen wildly if the couple rushes to sign the divorce agreements. We recommend a trial separation at San Diego Family Law Attorney for couples considering divorce. Although the separation is usually not legal, it allows the couple time to solve some underlying issues and agree on the most critical ones. Some couples resolve their issues after a trial separation, while others enjoy a seamless and successful divorce.
Before undergoing a divorce process in San Diego, we can help you and your partner through a process that will lead to healing, understanding, and better decision-making. Call us at 619-610-7425 to learn more about trial separations and how we can help you.
